Parenting help
I heard recently about a book called, "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control". It is a parenting book. It is for anyone, but it was written by an adoptive mom.
I've been to the website and there is a lot of good stuff there. It is about a different paradigm for parenting. I can understand it, but it is definitely not second nature to me---at least not yet.
The idea is that every time a child behaves in ways that are not helpful or safe or respectful, etc., they are acting out of a state of anxiety or out of some other need. Kids who are happy and feeling good and loved and safe and confident generally are pretty much fun to be around.
So---the response to behaviors that are frustrating has to be on the level of lowering their stress and anxiety. If you come to a child who is angry and acting out and your response is to give them a consequence, you raise their level of stress and lower their ability to calm themselves or relate to you. And when a child is highly stressed, or upset, or anxious, their ability to learn is compromised.
It is the "soft answer that turns away wrath" approach.
It doesn't mean you give them everything they want, or that you let them run all over you. It does mean that you see behavior as an indicator of stress, rather than as an indicator of defiance or disrespect.
I'm not describing it as well as I wish I could. At the website there is a link for free stuff. There are several mp3 downloads that do a better job than I can of explaining it. But I like the premise, and I think it can help me.
I've been to the website and there is a lot of good stuff there. It is about a different paradigm for parenting. I can understand it, but it is definitely not second nature to me---at least not yet.
The idea is that every time a child behaves in ways that are not helpful or safe or respectful, etc., they are acting out of a state of anxiety or out of some other need. Kids who are happy and feeling good and loved and safe and confident generally are pretty much fun to be around.
So---the response to behaviors that are frustrating has to be on the level of lowering their stress and anxiety. If you come to a child who is angry and acting out and your response is to give them a consequence, you raise their level of stress and lower their ability to calm themselves or relate to you. And when a child is highly stressed, or upset, or anxious, their ability to learn is compromised.
It is the "soft answer that turns away wrath" approach.
It doesn't mean you give them everything they want, or that you let them run all over you. It does mean that you see behavior as an indicator of stress, rather than as an indicator of defiance or disrespect.
I'm not describing it as well as I wish I could. At the website there is a link for free stuff. There are several mp3 downloads that do a better job than I can of explaining it. But I like the premise, and I think it can help me.
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