Watching for the morning

 

sunrise watch on Padre Island last year

Today the Rejoice devotional uses Psalm 130 as the focus. In the updated version of the Revised Standard Version, it reads like this:

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord.

Lord, hear my voice!

Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications!

If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, 

Lord, who could stand?

But there is forgiveness with you, 

So that you may be revered.

I wait for the LORD; my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

my soul waits for the Lord

more than those who watch for the morning,

more than those who watch for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the LORD!

For with the LORD there is steadfast love,

and with him is great power to redeem,

It is he who will redeem Israel

from all its iniquities.

My study Bible describes this as a psalm of individual lament and repentance. I agree. In the last part, though, there is a corporate affirmation and call for hope. Today, I come to this reading overwhelmed by the need for both personal and corporate lament, repentance, and hope.

The weather this winter, and even today, confirms the warnings that ignoring the well-being of the earth would result in climate change. Monday it was warm and calm and beautiful. Yesterday, windy, but warm. Today, while it is still above freezing, the wind is strong and it is snowing!

When we moved to this house, we had a long discussion between the two of us about whether we needed flood insurance. We are near Sand Creek, which has flooded before. Our house is above the floodplain. The highest flood within memory did not reach the spot where the house is built, but it did reach the corner of our neighbor's barn.

Now, after the floods and wildfires and dust storms and blizzards of this last winter all across our country, we received our renewal for flood insurance. The price has increased significantly. Is this an insurance company just raising prices because it can? Is this insurance recognizing climate change?

And this rate hike? this…seems so small, in the grand scheme of things.

We are living in a frightening and disorienting time in our country. The fear and anxiety I carry just from national news takes conscious effort in order to maintain my sense of well-being.

I had a lot more words in this part about the news, but have deleted it as care for the mental health of those of you who read this, as well as my own. Instead, I want to come back to words from the reading:

If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, Lord, who could stand?

…

I wait for the LORD; my soul waits,

and in his word I hope.

My soul waits for the Lord

More than those who watch for the morning,

More than those who watch for the morning.

I am not faultless. I'd hoped that by the time I got to be as old as I am, I'd have things figured out better, but I know I still want to do better, to have more compassion, to speak truth without being afraid. If we are marking iniquities, I'd have marks just from my day today.

So where do we go from here? 

Watch for goodness with the same focus we have when waiting for morning after a long night awake with worry.

Do what I can.

Take care of others and take care of myself.

Clean the kitchen island for a space of order and beauty.

Make calls to my representatives

Continually bring myself back to focus on watching for light,

not just political light,

but blooming magnolias

deer sauntering across the back yard at dusk

redbuds budding

fruit trees in bloom

the heron flying overhead this morning while I walked the dog

voices speaking truth even when they are nervous or fearful...

parents' eyes softening as they gaze at their child

people creating art and poetry...

chimes of the nearby church...

These things are true and good.

As I absorb the truth of the hard things, I must also cling to the truth of beauty, because both are important, but the beauty, is perhaps essential.

Watch for it, like watching for the morning...

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If you want to join me in making calls to your representatives, add the 5 Calls app to your phone. This app makes the calling easy to do, tech wise.

(It always takes a bit of gathering my nerve, honestly, and that is harder than the technology.)