Can you say "colonoscopy"?

I'm listening to Tim try to play "Lean on Me" on the piano in four part harmony, which isn't such a big deal really, except he's never learned to play the piano. He's been messing around on it quite a bit today, though.

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Today was my first colonoscopy. Not too bad, really. The worst part was drinking the gallon of colyte yesterday evening. It isn't unbearable. It is a lot to drink. You are supposed to drink 8 ounces every ten minutes until it is gone. The first eight ounces are deceptively easy. The second eight aren't too bad. After the third, you look at how much is still left in that jug.

This stuff is supposed to clean out your system, which less delicately put, means completely empty your colon. You drink it after a full day of clear liquid diet, so there isn't a whole lot in your colon anyway. Your colon does not start to empty until about an hour into the process. For those of you who do not like math, that is after at least a quart and a half or this stuff is inside you.

My stomach was so full I could hardly look at the stuff and the timer just kept going off faster and faster. How can ten minutes be so short? When I'm waiting on a train it takes a lot longer.

But then my colon started to empty and ten minutes became even shorter, because I was spending half of each ten minutes in the bathroom. They are correct about warning you to stay home.

The big jug has different instructions than you get from the doctor or the pharmacy. The doctor and the pharmacy agree---Drink the whole gallon! The jug tells you what the goal is (I won't elaborate here) and says, "When you reach this goal you may stop drinking, even if the jug is not empty." I was pretty sure I had reached the goal at soon after 3 quarts. I told Chuck about the discrepancy in directions. He said, "I drank it all!"

Not wanting to look like a weakling in the eyes of my husband, I dutifully worked my way through the last 3-4 cups.

I came down with a sore throat two nights ago. I spent the morning before the colonoscopy calling the hospital and my doctor to see if I should still go ahead. The final answer, after many suggestions to ask yet one more person, was that it would be fine to go ahead. I was glad. I didn't want to put it off. But the only thing that would ease the sore throat was eating and drinking. I was to eat and drink nothing all night the night before the procedure.

It was OK. Apparently the huge quantities of liquid consumed in the evening kept my throat moist all night.

This morning my son dropped me off at the surgical center at 6:45 a.m. I was clean and shiny with no make-up or nail polish, not that I would normally have make up or nail polish at 6:45, but I could at least pretend that the reason I looked this way was because I'd been told to look this way.

This is a nice place for a procedure. The nurses speak softly and gently at 6:45 a.m. When you have to change into the dreadful hospital gown, they have slipper socks for your cold feet and prewarmed blankets to take the chill away. After a day of clear liquids and cleansing, there is definitely a chill, even in a warm room.

They explained what would be happening, and that I would fall asleep and not feel anything and would wake up after it was over. Then they started an IV (a first for me) and hooked me up to a heart monitor and a little clip on my finger to monitor other things. My daughter could tell you what it monitors. I can't.

The anesthesiologist came and introduced himself and explained what medication he was using and how it would affect me. By 7:15 they were unhooking me from the machines in my room and pushing my bed to the room where the big event would take place.

I knew the anesthesiologist because his kids went to school with mine so we visited a bit. Then he told me something very disturbing. He told me that he was keeping an eye on my doctor, who was currently completing a different procedure on another patient. He was doing this because he wanted to start my meds as soon as the doctor was finished with that patient. He explained that my doctor doesn't always like to wait until the patient is completely out, and neither the anesthesiologist nor the patient gets too excited about this. At that very moment my doctor walks in.

I can feel my heart rate increase. The doctor introduces himself and jokes with me a bit. The anesthesiologist says, "You'll go to sleep now." I think, "No, I won't. I'm not even beginning to get sleepy and that doctor is going to hurt me before I'm asleep. I'm completely wide awake."

Then the nurse said, "It's time to wake up."

Actually, the doctor did talk to me before the nurse. I remember him telling me everything was fine. But somehow it seems like the nurse talked to me first, even though I know she didn't. I was back in my first room. I don't remember getting there. But Chuck wasn't there yet. I do remember that.

He arrived in a couple of minutes. The colonoscopy had been quicker than anticipated. I wasn't falling back to sleep or forgetting things like he did. I thought I was being completely lucid, just my normal everyday self. He said I seemed to have some kind of strange aura.

Later he described it as 'just waking up'. Except I'm usually completely lucid when I wake up. I'm the one who takes care of the emergencies at night. I have to wake up quickly and be rational. Anyway, he says I was very chatty and kind of loopy. I believe him.

They brought me a second prewarmed blanket because I'd gotten a bit chilled while I was asleep. Then I had some toast and juice. I could have had jello or ice cream or pudding or several other things, but really, only the toast sounded good to me. Maybe that's why Chuck thought I was loopy.

I began to expel some of the air that had been pushed into me, so we knew everything was working as it should. The nurse removed all the monitors and the IV and we went home where I slept the rest of the morning with vivid dreams of visiting friends and falling asleep in the middle of conversations.

Chuck was hoping for a chance to see me behave foolishly, since I was merciless about writing out his colonoscopy story. I think he got more anesthesia than I did because I had a much easier time coming out of it than he did, so I was only a little funny. I wasn't hilarious.

Everything is fine, though. It was a routine procedure recommended after turning 50. Now I don't have to think about it any more for 10 years.

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I watched "Wit" tonight. I'd forgotten how good that movie is. In this house it is nearly impossible to watch a movie uninterrupted, so sometimes I loose the momentum while taking care of business. I had to stop it a few times, but I managed to salvage all my most favorite scenes. Sometimes it seems pretty stupid to have bought so many dvd's last year. I admit, buying some of those dvd's was stupid. But these best ones, like "Wit", are worth seeing again and again and again.

Comments

I'm glad all is well with you. And I think the same thing about some of the movies I've purchased. "I'll never watch that again. Why did I buy it?" If I was serious about it, I would weed the collection, saving only the ones I was sure I would watch again, and give the rest to a library. Maybe someday.

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