Servanthood: Update #4
It is finally summer, and I can't walk to the mailbox at noon with bare feet anymore without burning the soles of my feet.
Morning work today consisted of:
Before today's work I took a two mile walk followed by a breakfast of home made yogurt, fresh apricot sauce, and rolled oats while I had devotions on the front porch. One of the benefits of not using the air conditioner is that the front porch is more inviting than the closeness of the house. For a person who is content to be indoors a lot, that is a good thing, because I forget how good being outdoors is for my spirit.
Update on my 'kingdom' goals:
Servanthood:
In summer, and also coincidentally in my devotions right now, there is a lot of serving. I chafe at serving sometimes. Maybe lots of times. Praying for ways to be part of the spread of God's kingdom here in my spot on earth precedes spending the day refilling the jars of iced tea, running errands, cleaning up clutter, fixing lunches, and in general dropping my plans to help others accomplish theirs. This has consistently been difficult for me over the years. I allow myself self pity and comparison. "Who drops everything to do something for me?" It is small thinking and I'm embarrassed to admit to it.
This year our Sunday School class studied the Gospel of Mark. Throughout Mark, Jesus insists that becoming a servant is important in the kingdom of God. Whoever offers even a cup of water to one of the least of these... Whoever wants to be great in the kingdom of God must be servant of all... Take up your cross (which can mean be willing to give up everything, including my rights to determine my own schedule)... Lose your life to save it...
Frequent failure in this is my hallmark, but I'm working on a new attitude.
Doormat:
Being a doormat is not the goal here, and I have spent some time thinking about how to differentiate. Of course, no one in my house wants me to be a doormat. The person I would be fighting here is me and my small thinking.
In not having a job away from home, defining my work becomes daunting. If I don't have a 'job', how can I know if my priority for my time is more important than helping someone else with their priorities? Once in a while it is obvious that one of us needs to take precedent over the other because of an urgency or deadline. Most of the time it is not at all obvious. Sometimes both of us have an urgent deadline.
If it isn't clear, do I err on the side of servanthood? Do I try to make sure I'm not doing this or that task just because I happen to be the one without a job? Is the work I have set for myself less important because it is not financially compensated? How much do gender roles and assumptions play a part in whether I serve?
Work of the Spirit:
While experimenting with serving there have been times when what was asked of me seemed like more than I could do. Some days there are too many things that are obviously important. On those days, there would also be needs from "the least of these". I would think that there was no way I could be a servant in answer to those needs and still do all that needed to be done.
Then there would be a quiet internal reminder---I think from God---that God will provide the time to do the things that God asks of me.
I have found that to be true, when I have responded to that prompting. Either I have been able to get everything done myself and still meet the need with time to spare...or others have also seen the need and have offered their service as well. Those have been holy moments that increase my faith.
Playing games on the computer:
I am still not playing games on the computer, with a specific exception. I have played a small amount of scrabble with a couple of people. I decided to go ahead since it was not a solitary game that would suck me into a lost sense of time.
It has been harder to stay away from the solitary games lately. I am most tempted on days when I have struggled with low sense of worth, which makes sense. The games are an effective escape.
Morning work today consisted of:
- digging the onions
- digging the yukon gold potatoes
- repairing the sides of the raised beds from the damage I did while digging
- pushing mulch up against the sides to hold them in place against erosion
- planting and watering green beans where the potatoes and onions used to be
Before today's work I took a two mile walk followed by a breakfast of home made yogurt, fresh apricot sauce, and rolled oats while I had devotions on the front porch. One of the benefits of not using the air conditioner is that the front porch is more inviting than the closeness of the house. For a person who is content to be indoors a lot, that is a good thing, because I forget how good being outdoors is for my spirit.
Update on my 'kingdom' goals:
Servanthood:
In summer, and also coincidentally in my devotions right now, there is a lot of serving. I chafe at serving sometimes. Maybe lots of times. Praying for ways to be part of the spread of God's kingdom here in my spot on earth precedes spending the day refilling the jars of iced tea, running errands, cleaning up clutter, fixing lunches, and in general dropping my plans to help others accomplish theirs. This has consistently been difficult for me over the years. I allow myself self pity and comparison. "Who drops everything to do something for me?" It is small thinking and I'm embarrassed to admit to it.
This year our Sunday School class studied the Gospel of Mark. Throughout Mark, Jesus insists that becoming a servant is important in the kingdom of God. Whoever offers even a cup of water to one of the least of these... Whoever wants to be great in the kingdom of God must be servant of all... Take up your cross (which can mean be willing to give up everything, including my rights to determine my own schedule)... Lose your life to save it...
Frequent failure in this is my hallmark, but I'm working on a new attitude.
Doormat:
Being a doormat is not the goal here, and I have spent some time thinking about how to differentiate. Of course, no one in my house wants me to be a doormat. The person I would be fighting here is me and my small thinking.
In not having a job away from home, defining my work becomes daunting. If I don't have a 'job', how can I know if my priority for my time is more important than helping someone else with their priorities? Once in a while it is obvious that one of us needs to take precedent over the other because of an urgency or deadline. Most of the time it is not at all obvious. Sometimes both of us have an urgent deadline.
If it isn't clear, do I err on the side of servanthood? Do I try to make sure I'm not doing this or that task just because I happen to be the one without a job? Is the work I have set for myself less important because it is not financially compensated? How much do gender roles and assumptions play a part in whether I serve?
Work of the Spirit:
While experimenting with serving there have been times when what was asked of me seemed like more than I could do. Some days there are too many things that are obviously important. On those days, there would also be needs from "the least of these". I would think that there was no way I could be a servant in answer to those needs and still do all that needed to be done.
Then there would be a quiet internal reminder---I think from God---that God will provide the time to do the things that God asks of me.
I have found that to be true, when I have responded to that prompting. Either I have been able to get everything done myself and still meet the need with time to spare...or others have also seen the need and have offered their service as well. Those have been holy moments that increase my faith.
Playing games on the computer:
I am still not playing games on the computer, with a specific exception. I have played a small amount of scrabble with a couple of people. I decided to go ahead since it was not a solitary game that would suck me into a lost sense of time.
It has been harder to stay away from the solitary games lately. I am most tempted on days when I have struggled with low sense of worth, which makes sense. The games are an effective escape.
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