More thoughts on Beyond Consequences
I frequent a message board for parents of children with reactive attachment disorder. I asked on the message board if others had experience with "Beyond Consequences" It has been an interesting discussion.
All of the responders have continued to use the ideas over a period of years because they like themselves better when they can see their children as hurting, instead of seeing them as hurtful.
Some have seen changes in their children. Most see their children as often being too frightened of closeness to even allow any empathy to slip past their defenses.
So, as I think about this, it becomes about who I want to be, whether it 'works' or not.
Incidentally, I do think it is helping, but there are days when I have to let go and accept being pushed away.
Today was good though. There were things happening that could have brought up anger and defensiveness but we didn't have to go there. We had a good evening and in spite of talking about some of those issues right before bed, we were able to talk without anxiety and end the evening friends.
All of the responders have continued to use the ideas over a period of years because they like themselves better when they can see their children as hurting, instead of seeing them as hurtful.
Some have seen changes in their children. Most see their children as often being too frightened of closeness to even allow any empathy to slip past their defenses.
So, as I think about this, it becomes about who I want to be, whether it 'works' or not.
Incidentally, I do think it is helping, but there are days when I have to let go and accept being pushed away.
Today was good though. There were things happening that could have brought up anger and defensiveness but we didn't have to go there. We had a good evening and in spite of talking about some of those issues right before bed, we were able to talk without anxiety and end the evening friends.
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