Being There

Today I spent the morning running. A couple of phone calls necessitated six errands beyond the three I had already done, the appointment this afternoon, and the one or two left to do this evening. I was in my car wishing to be home, waiting to be home, craving home, solitude and more control over my schedule.

“Wherever you go, there you are.” That is the catch phrase of the idea of mindfulness. The idea is that of choosing to be fully present where you are instead of living in the past, the future, or the present you are wishing for. I was not present except in the physical sense. I was listing in my mind all the things I would rather be doing, which is a good way to increase my stress level.

It would be great if I could say that I immediately took a breath, looked around me, and noticed the fullness of the place and moment I was in. I didn’t.

My life is going to be this way for a while yet. If I continue to chafe at it I’ll be giving up the opportunities I can’t see because I’m always looking for something else.

What are the opportunities? Driving time with one or another of my kids---some of the best talk time you can get. Time alone in the car (after dropping that kid off) when I can sit and think without feeling guilty about sitting and thinking.