Expressing Anger Fully

Non-violent communication.
I read the chapter on expressing anger fully. I need to read it again. This is what I understand so far.

• Anger is a signal that it is important to look at your own needs and feelings.
• Anger is also a signal that you have made judgments about someone else. It may be about their attitudes, their character, their motivation, or some other aspect of their personality. There is usually not anger unless there is also another person involved, unless you are judging yourself and are angry at yourself. For example, if someone asks for a favor you may be glad they feel comfortable enough to ask, you may feel frustrated that they have enough nerve to ask, you may wonder why they are so lazy they can't do it themselves, you may feel upset that they seem to think they can tell you what to do, etc.
  
• There is a four step process to anger.

1. Breathe
2. Identify judgmental thoughts
3. Identify my needs
4. Express feelings and unmet needs

• It's way more complicated than four steps because in expressing my feelings and needs I may bring out feelings and needs in the other person. In order to be heard, I will have to be able to empathize with and fully hear that other person first. Doing that when I am angry may take quite a few breaks for breathing.

This evening I discovered that a job someone said they would do for me was left undone and out of sight. I've identified my judgments, feelings and unmet needs. My reality is that I have no confidence that the other person cares what my feelings and needs are. Do I do the job myself and forget about it or take a chance with talking? Talking, if it includes much empathizing and listening will take much longer than doing the job myself. It's a one minute job. So why do I care enough to get angry?

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I have to decide in the next couple of days whether to take on some new responsibilities. The timing seems bad, but it also seems bad for all the other people who could take on these responsibilities instead of me. Chuck says to pray about it. I did. No magic yet.