Observations
In Non-violent communication, the first skill to learn is observation. It's harder than it sounds. Observations are basic facts that anyone unrelated to the situation could agree on. I am currently sitting at the computer using the keyboard at 9:30 in the morning. That is an observation. If someone came and saw me and described me as wasting time, working hard, being creative, avoiding the jobs I don't want to do, neglecting my pet chores...all of these would be evaluations.
When another person's behavior bothers me in some way, the first discipline I have to rely on is to be able to describe that behavior without evaluation. My dog could say, I see you have been at the computer for a half hour and I have not been fed yet. All of this is true and could be seen by anyone who might be watching me. If my dog would say something about how little I care about her, how selfish I am, how lazy I seem, etc.... she might feel a little better for having vented, but I would not feel more like feeding her. I might feel falsely accused.
At any rate, based on these observations, I have decided to quit writing at my computer and feed that blessed dog who is lying on the floor sleeping. ("blessed" is an evaluation!)
When another person's behavior bothers me in some way, the first discipline I have to rely on is to be able to describe that behavior without evaluation. My dog could say, I see you have been at the computer for a half hour and I have not been fed yet. All of this is true and could be seen by anyone who might be watching me. If my dog would say something about how little I care about her, how selfish I am, how lazy I seem, etc.... she might feel a little better for having vented, but I would not feel more like feeding her. I might feel falsely accused.
At any rate, based on these observations, I have decided to quit writing at my computer and feed that blessed dog who is lying on the floor sleeping. ("blessed" is an evaluation!)
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