Parenting/Adoption
I managed to listen to a couple of audios on line today that were so good. The first, and interview with Bonnie Harris, is about parenting. It is good info for everyone, and especially good for me with the changes I am trying to make. This is the link.
The other audio was also an interview, this time with Nancy Verrier. She is well known in the adoption world for her book, Primal Wound, which explores the experience of adoption for the person who is adopted. There was so much in that interview that made sense, or that made the behaviors of my kids make sense. I have a link for that interview too.
I especially loved Nancy's honesty. She has adopted children and birth children, like I do. She is an advocate for adoption. But she doesn't pretend that it is the same as giving birth to a baby. She talks about how much is genetic, that even posture and gestures are genetic. She is honest about how much harder it was for her to 'read' the emotional state of her birth child than it was to do the same thing with her adopted child---and she is honest about that because she wants parents to know it is normal AND that it is important to work harder at understanding their adopted child because it doesn't come naturally.
She also talks about how much bonding occurs even before birth, and that even a child adopted at birth knows instinctively that it has experienced a loss. When we pretend that there is nothing different, we don't allow the child to feel understood. They can't express their wish that they looked like someone in their family, or that they wonder about who they are like.
I'm interested in reading her book now.
The other audio was also an interview, this time with Nancy Verrier. She is well known in the adoption world for her book, Primal Wound, which explores the experience of adoption for the person who is adopted. There was so much in that interview that made sense, or that made the behaviors of my kids make sense. I have a link for that interview too.
I especially loved Nancy's honesty. She has adopted children and birth children, like I do. She is an advocate for adoption. But she doesn't pretend that it is the same as giving birth to a baby. She talks about how much is genetic, that even posture and gestures are genetic. She is honest about how much harder it was for her to 'read' the emotional state of her birth child than it was to do the same thing with her adopted child---and she is honest about that because she wants parents to know it is normal AND that it is important to work harder at understanding their adopted child because it doesn't come naturally.
She also talks about how much bonding occurs even before birth, and that even a child adopted at birth knows instinctively that it has experienced a loss. When we pretend that there is nothing different, we don't allow the child to feel understood. They can't express their wish that they looked like someone in their family, or that they wonder about who they are like.
I'm interested in reading her book now.
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