Mixed Emotions

 

A little bit of the heaviness of this year eased for me today.

It eased for a little more than half of our country, which is hard, because we are still so divided. For the others, life likely seems heavier. But I have hope that the divisions that flourished in the last four years may ease a little bit. 

I don't want to write about this much tonight. I keep starting sentences only to delete them, knowing I don't have the wisdom I need yet for writing about this election. 

I know what it is like to be on the losing side of an election and to dread what the new president will do, so I will hold that in my heart, hoping that those who voted differently than I did will find the future less dire than they expect it to be. 

It was unseasonably warm today, and I had a long list of things to be done. I think I got to most of them. There is food ready for next week, and the dishes were done several times today to keep up with the cooking.

The best part of the day was lunch when nearly all the nearby kids and grands braved the wind to eat outside in our backyard. We sat in family groups, masked when we weren't eating, because the numbers are just so bad here right now. So sometimes we had to repeat things, because of the wind and the masks, but we were together. We were hearing about each others' lives. It has been a while.

Later, when supper was in the oven, I took a break from the kitchen to walk, and the sunset pictures are from that time. Although I've wanted to eventually experience life in town again, I will miss these open views of the horizon when that happens. I do not take them for granted.

Today is my parents' wedding anniversary. 

This picture is from early 2014.

In 2014, their last anniversary before Dad died, we took over take-out from Applebees to celebrate with them. We didn't know that night how sick he was, but he was gone eight days later. Now they've both been gone for over two years, and I miss them.

I woke up this morning doing the unproductive "what if" thinking. What if we had found out much earlier that Dad had a serious illness. Would that have been better? Would we have had him longer? Would he have suffered more? 

None of this matters, of course. Dad had discomfort in his last year, but it didn't take away his ability to do the things he wanted to do. He was quick to laugh. He enjoyed his life. 

I can't ask for more than that.