I've been doing a lot of thinking about the unique personality we are born with and what happens to it along the way. There is such a lot to balance out and a mere blog entry probably can't get very far with it.
I believe God creates us each already wonderful. I think we mess with that when we try so hard to be something we are not. The more we cling to the approval of others to judge our own worth, the less we see the value we already have. Somehow we have to get to the point where we are convinced that the essence of who we are is good, in spite of the fact that we make mistakes or mess up or waste time or hurt the feelings of others. We recognize that when we do those things we have not lived up to who we are, and that the more we throw off our fears and defenses, the more we will be able to be ourselves.
This is a tricky thing, because it seems to me that when we are most fully ourselves we will be able to have true empathy for others, which means we will care what they think and feel. But because our self respect does not depend upon their thoughts and feelings, we will be free to listen and understand without defensiveness. We can take into account their feelings honestly, and see where we may have hurt them, and go on to make it right without losing the sense that we are loved and lovable.
The reason I'm thinking this is because I'm watching the people I admire. I'm finding that as they get older and wiser, they don't become alike. They become more uniquely themselves. They hopefully are less fearful about expressing their personalities. But the ones who have an empathy for those in pain become more empathetic. Those who have strong convictions manage to hold on to their strength of belief, but they become wiser about which convictions are worth fighting for, and humbler about the ways they fight for them. I'm way oversimplifying, but I don't know how to write it. They become themselves, only more so.
The friend I have who died was this way. Her husband is too. The women in my small group are this way. They have somehow opened themselves to life, to what God allows to come to them. They have learned to face fears and pain and illness and to be strengthened by it.
I believe God creates us each already wonderful. I think we mess with that when we try so hard to be something we are not. The more we cling to the approval of others to judge our own worth, the less we see the value we already have. Somehow we have to get to the point where we are convinced that the essence of who we are is good, in spite of the fact that we make mistakes or mess up or waste time or hurt the feelings of others. We recognize that when we do those things we have not lived up to who we are, and that the more we throw off our fears and defenses, the more we will be able to be ourselves.
This is a tricky thing, because it seems to me that when we are most fully ourselves we will be able to have true empathy for others, which means we will care what they think and feel. But because our self respect does not depend upon their thoughts and feelings, we will be free to listen and understand without defensiveness. We can take into account their feelings honestly, and see where we may have hurt them, and go on to make it right without losing the sense that we are loved and lovable.
The reason I'm thinking this is because I'm watching the people I admire. I'm finding that as they get older and wiser, they don't become alike. They become more uniquely themselves. They hopefully are less fearful about expressing their personalities. But the ones who have an empathy for those in pain become more empathetic. Those who have strong convictions manage to hold on to their strength of belief, but they become wiser about which convictions are worth fighting for, and humbler about the ways they fight for them. I'm way oversimplifying, but I don't know how to write it. They become themselves, only more so.
The friend I have who died was this way. Her husband is too. The women in my small group are this way. They have somehow opened themselves to life, to what God allows to come to them. They have learned to face fears and pain and illness and to be strengthened by it.
Comments